By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
