areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
