I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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