i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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