The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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