why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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