Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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