Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
