I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
