oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
