Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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