Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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