i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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