I bet he comes in French.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
