why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
