Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
