I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
