So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
