i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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