I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize