Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
