Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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