somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
