FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
