he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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