I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
