I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
