new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
