tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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