So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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