Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
