he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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