Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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