I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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