remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
