I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
