He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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