Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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