No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
