My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
