I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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