He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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