At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
