I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
