I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
