I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
