I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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