I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
