My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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