no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
