i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
