everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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