Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
