so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize