After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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