you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
