$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
