I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
