trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The uberlube is also flammable
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
